Done Nursing

I am officially finished nursing Kambria. These two faces represent how I feel about it. In some ways I think it's fabulous, but for other reasons, I am very sad.
From the time Kambi started getting good at nursing (around 3 weeks) to the time that it started going downhill (around 3 months) it was wonderful. I really liked it! But then it just became a pain. She wasn't getting enough so she was cranky, and hungry more often. And she had to work so hard to get anything, which wasn't pleasant for me. That's when we started supplementing with formula. For a few weeks I would nurse her, then give her a bottle to finish her off. That worked really well, but she soon discovered that it was much easier to get food from the bottle. So while I nursed her she would turn her head and look for the bottle (I always had it on the table mate next to the couch). I was so determined to nurse her as long as I possibly could for 2 main reasons: A) I know it's better for her, and B) Breastmilk doesn't cost anything. So I continued to put up with how big of a pain it was. I even pumped so that she could still have my milk, but I wouldn't have to nurse her. Well, each time I pumped, I got less and less milk; usually around 2 ounces total. I really didn't like pumping, it always made me feel like a failure because my body wasn't producing what my baby needed. But I was really getting fed up with nursing.
And thus, I decided to stop completely.
And it's great! I don't feel tied down so that I have to take her everwhere I go. I can leave for more than 3 hours for things like, R.S. activities, shopping, Curt can take her during church so I can play the piano for primary, dates, etc. AND, I fit back into my pre-pregnancy garments and bras! No more toting around a nursing cover and looking for a private place to feed my baby while I'm in public. :)
I for sure want to nurse baby #2 and all subsequent babies. Hopefully my body will cooperate. But for now, I will enjoy all that comes from not nursing.

This Just Made Me Smile

Yesterday I was at Wal-Mart handing over my arm and my leg that it costs for diapers and other such baby supplies when I had a sweet experience. Let me share.
While looking at diapers, a nice man that I was sharing the aisle with turned to me and asked me if he could ask me a question. This is how our convo went down:
Him: How old is your baby?
Me: Five months (smile :))
Him: My wife and I just had twins. Our son had to be in the NICU for a while, but he is now home with us and our daughter. He cries a lot because he was so used to his schedule in the hospital. Then our daughter sees the attention we give him and she has started crying more and louder too now. So, when do they start sleeping through the night?
Me: (noticing that this poor man looked SO exhausted, pointing to Kambi and shaking my head) Still not sleeping through the night. (Watching his face turn despondent at my response, and totally sympathizing with him). I know, it's so hard because it's so tiring! I can't imagine having two at once!
Him: Is there anything we can do to help them sleep longer?
Me: How old are they?
Him: They'll be a month on Sunday.
Me: Ya know, I think every parent wants to know the secret. (In my heart I was saying, "One month? Oh honey, don't kid yourself. You're not getting ANY sleep for at least the next few months!")

I gave him some hints that I've been given (none of which have worked for me yet). He also asked me when you can start playing with babies. I just thought it was so cute to see this brand new dad wondering about the sweet little people that just entered his life. It was fun to talk to another parent; I felt a certain camaraderie with this perfect stranger. Bless. his. heart.

Perplexed

I totally love my job as a mom, but some days I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing! Poor little Kambi has to be our guinea pig because kids don't come with instructions and frankly, it's hard to know how best to care for them!
I'm having a struggle and it is this: schedule or play it by ear? I'm seriously trying to figure out what style of parent I am because I know that one is not better, per se, than the other. I admit, I read A LOT of literature about parenting, I do ok, so sue me. I studied that kind of stuff in college. I am fascinated by human nature and family dynamics. And now I'm learning first hand that what is outlined in books and articles is not always how real life is. I've always known that deep down, but I am surprised sometimes at how completely different the two are.
Let me explain. Before Kambria was born, a friend gave me a book, written by a pediatrician, that outlines how to put your newborn on a schedule and by doing so, ensuing that your child will sleep through the night by 9 weeks old. Sounds great, right?! I read it skeptically, taking in the info with a grain of salt. But once I had that knowledge in my head, I somehow could not let go of it! So I tried earnestly to follow the principles and do the schedule thing. It didn't work. She's never been a good sleeper and most days flat out refused to nap when I wanted her to, or for how long I wanted her to. Thus, the schedule was different every day. Not to mention the fact that we traveled around and lived in a totally new place for 6 weeks. The point is, it was impossible to keep her on a schedule of eating/napping at the same time every day.
After we got settled back in Vegas I hoped and prayed that she would start sleeping through the night. By this time she was over 4 months old. The weeks passed and still, the schedule I wanted was just not working and I was still getting up at least once a night, if not twice. So what did I do? Well, first I went online and wrote a review on that darn book that gave me false hope. That felt good. Then I decided that trying to keep her on a schedule and failing miserably was simply stressing me out too much. I was frustrated and unhappy. So I threw the idea of a set schedule out the window. I started just paying attention to cues from my baby, while still having somewhat of a bedtime each night. Well, I definitely became more relaxed, but guess what. STILL not sleeping through the night.
Just today I was reading another email from a baby website that talked about helping your baby sleep through the night and it too stressed the fact that if you put them down for a nap at the same time every day then they will know what to expect. Consistency is the key, but how can I be consistent when she's so inconsistent?! She never sleeps the same amount, either at night or during the day. What's a new mom to do? Having a schedule didn't work, but not having one isn't working either. I just want to sleep uninterrupted at night, is that too much to ask?

BAH! This was a ranting and raving post. I feel better with that out of my system.

If Babies Could Talk...

I'm feeling a little like a bad mom. Nursing took a turn down the "pain in the neck" road about a month ago. Every time I fed Kambi she would squirm and wiggle around, coming unlatched then getting back on again. Then she would be really fussy after we were done. Curt asked his pediatrician uncle about it, and he told us there are so many reasons for babies to be fussy after eating, it could be anything from over-eating to gas etc. So I tried not to worry too much, especially since there was so much going on for us at the time. When we got home from Disneyland it got pretty bad. She wasn't sleeping very well either and I was getting super frustrated. I tried so hard to not be upset, it's not like she was disobeying me or being difficult on purpose. But I found myself losing patience a lot. We were in between doctors because we had had some issues with the first clinic, and hadn't been able to get in to see the new dr yet. I suspected that something was wrong with my milk supply; we started trying to give her formula but she would have none of it. She also wasn't pooping very often. I thought she was constipated so I started giving her apple juice with a medicine dropper because she wouldn't take a bottle. That helped a little, but still she was pretty difficult. I was nervous about pumping because I had tried that about a month previous to all of this and she refused to eat from a bottle.
Finally I got her to take a bottle by giving her the apple juice from the bottle. Then we finally got her to eat some formula. So now that she was eating from a bottle, I pumped again. I discovered that my body is not making very much milk at all! Over the next few days I only got 2 to 5 ounces each time. My poor baby was just hungry! No wonder she was waking up every 3 hours at night! No wonder her naps weren't very long! No wonder she was working so hard to get something out of me when she nursed! She was starving!
It's been almost a week since we started supplementing her diet and it has made a HUGE difference! More is coming out of her because more is going into her :) She has been sleeping much better (although still not quite all through the night) and has just been so much happier overall. She even looks and feels chunkier! I really feel terrible for not figuring out sooner that for some unknown reason I'm not producing the food that my baby needs, but I feel worse for getting angry. This would be so much easier if she could just talk! Ha ha, I know it's not meant to be easy. I am learning so much from this little girl. She means the world to me and I'm so happy that this mystery was finally solved.