Ever since Kambi's birthday, it seems that every day she becomes more of a little girl and less of a baby. She picked up on the gesture for "I don't know" and does it all the time. So cute. She babbles "dada dada dada" a lot, although I'm not sure if she knows what it means. Other than that, she doesn't say any real words. I try so hard to get her to say "Mama" but to no avail. I'm trying to teach her how to feed herself with a spoon. It's going to take some time. Sometimes she gets excited and flings the spoon around, thereby throwing food everywhere. It takes all of my patience to let her do this. I know with enough practice she will eventually get it.
I'm thinking that sometimes when I expect things from Kambi, the exact opposite happens. For example. I was so set on "teaching" her to sleep through the night by the time she was 3 months old (thanks to Babywise, but I'm not going to start on that) but she didn't actually do it until she was 6 months. Whereas other parents I talk to, who just go with the flow have babies that sleep just great at 3 months or earlier. Also, I've really wanted to encourage her to like books and reading (not so much TV) so we've bought tons of books, and I try so hard every day to read to her . But she will have none of it. For a long time she would just eat them, literally. She doesn't do that anymore really, but she WILL NOT sit and listen to a book no matter what I do. I don't even try and read it, just look at the pictures and talk about it, but she won't sit for even 10 seconds. It frustrates me to no end. I guess I just can't make her do or be who I want her to be, she will be who she is.
Anyway, she is super cute and is learning new things every day. I am so happy to be her mother! I would not trade it for anything in the world.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Has it Really Been a Year?
My baby is turning 1 on Sunday. Holy smokes, that year went by so fast! Every time I think about it I get a lump in my throat and teary-eyed. She's not going to be a baby anymore! And if I'm having this much trouble with her first birthday, I'm going to be a wreck as she gets older and starts doing things like going to school, or turning 16, or oh my goodness get married! Ok ok maybe I'm overreacting. But really, she is growing up so fast. I have learned so so much from her! I absolutely LOVE being a mom and there's no doubt in my mind that it's what I am supposed to do with my life. I have never been happier. That's not to say that it's been a walk in the park. It hasn't. There have been some days when even though I love my daughter with all of my heart, I've wanted to pull my hair out and scream. But I thank my Heavenly Father every single day for the blessing of being a mother. I have a few close friends who, for some reason have not been blessed with children at this point in their lives. My heart aches for them. I pray for them often.
Over the past year, my weaknesses have become very clear to me. I am so far from perfection, and sometimes I get discouraged about that, but I try to do my best. It humbles me to know what aspects of my life I need to work on.
Lately Kambria has been so adorable! I have no words to describe how much joy her cuteness brings to me :) She babbles all the time: in her crib, in the high chair, in the car, in church. She doesn't say any words yet, but she cocks her head to the side and squints and smiles and babbles and I just want to eat her up, it is so cute! I want to remember her baby attributes because I know that before I know it she will be so big. She follows me around all day, and sometimes wants to be held more than I have hands for. But I will cherish this time now because some day, she might not think that hanging out with me is so cool after all. She is beginning to learn how to give loves, and she gives great open-mouth kisses :) She means the world to me and I want to give her the very best. Including my best self.
I'm all choked up just writing all of this. I just wanted to write down my feelings about this sweet little girl who has brightened up my life immensely. I guess when she stops being a baby I'll have to have another one :)
Over the past year, my weaknesses have become very clear to me. I am so far from perfection, and sometimes I get discouraged about that, but I try to do my best. It humbles me to know what aspects of my life I need to work on.
Lately Kambria has been so adorable! I have no words to describe how much joy her cuteness brings to me :) She babbles all the time: in her crib, in the high chair, in the car, in church. She doesn't say any words yet, but she cocks her head to the side and squints and smiles and babbles and I just want to eat her up, it is so cute! I want to remember her baby attributes because I know that before I know it she will be so big. She follows me around all day, and sometimes wants to be held more than I have hands for. But I will cherish this time now because some day, she might not think that hanging out with me is so cool after all. She is beginning to learn how to give loves, and she gives great open-mouth kisses :) She means the world to me and I want to give her the very best. Including my best self.
I'm all choked up just writing all of this. I just wanted to write down my feelings about this sweet little girl who has brightened up my life immensely. I guess when she stops being a baby I'll have to have another one :)
Saturday, February 13, 2010
To Cut or Not to Cut
Ugh. I am so sick of my hair!! Every so often I get the urge to chop all of my hair off. I've basically ALWAYS had long hair. And usually, I really like it. I debate back and forth, back and forth, should I cut it, should I not... And usually my wussy side wins out and I don't cut it because I get scared. 2 years ago I decided to take the plunge and cut it, but I didn't dare go too too short. The result? A medium hair cut that was somewhat cute straight, but so poofy and so ugly when I did it curly. So I didn't like it and have grown it out ever since. Here is the internal debate this time:
One thing I keep telling myself is that if I cut it short, I'll have to straighten it all the time because it would be poofy if I did it curly. Then I realized, I straighten it all the time anyway! Maybe one time in a month do I ever do it curly anymore.
Kambi is always grabbing my hair, therefore it is in a ponytail almost EVERY DAY. Even when it's in a ponytail, she can still get to it.
It bugs me when I sleep.
Maybe a cute hair do would take the focus off my acne covered face.
I get headaches a lot. Maybe because of the weight of my hair.
My hair takes forever to grow. If I hate the cut, it will be a long long time to get long again.
Who can I get to cut it and how much would it cost.
Hm, save money on shampoo and conditioner.
Curt likes my hair long.
I shed so bad and since it's so long, it clogs drains and gets all over everything.
I wouldn't be able to put it in a ponytail if I wanted to.
This is the internal debate
One thing I keep telling myself is that if I cut it short, I'll have to straighten it all the time because it would be poofy if I did it curly. Then I realized, I straighten it all the time anyway! Maybe one time in a month do I ever do it curly anymore.
Kambi is always grabbing my hair, therefore it is in a ponytail almost EVERY DAY. Even when it's in a ponytail, she can still get to it.
It bugs me when I sleep.
Maybe a cute hair do would take the focus off my acne covered face.
I get headaches a lot. Maybe because of the weight of my hair.
My hair takes forever to grow. If I hate the cut, it will be a long long time to get long again.
Who can I get to cut it and how much would it cost.
Hm, save money on shampoo and conditioner.
Curt likes my hair long.
I shed so bad and since it's so long, it clogs drains and gets all over everything.
I wouldn't be able to put it in a ponytail if I wanted to.
This is the internal debate
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Hello Again
Wow, that last post was forever ago! Kambi has changed so much since then. Time is just flying.
This post is only kind of related to being a mommy. 2 significant physical changes (well, many more than that, but I'm only writing about 2) happened during my pregnancy. 1) My hair was so healthy!! I don't think I lost a single strand. 2) I started to break out with pimples more than I ever had. I had read that that was quite common in pregnancy, and they weren't huge or bright red or anything, so I patiently endured. Well, I had my baby and immediately got my pre-pregnancy hair back, but my complexion didn't change. Over the next few months it got worse and worse until it was out of control. When I was in Logan for Thanksgiving, I almost didn't say hello to an old friend I saw because I didn't want her to see me and my face. I started avoiding mirrors and cameras, and that's when I knew that something had to be done. I wanted to see a dermatologist, but it is so hard on a college student budget to think of spending anything that isn't totally and utterly necessary, and for a long time I wasn't on insurance. I had to tell myself that the acne all over my face did not change anything about my worth as a person, and that I was still me despite my less-than-perfect looks. Curt has been so good throughout this whole trial; he tells me all the time that I'm beautiful and that he loves my smile.
Anyway, I went to an esthetician to get a facial, thinking that she would cleanse my pores and give me a product that would actually work on my face. Well, to make a long story short, on my 2nd facial she pretty much told me that I would have to get regular facials every 2 to 4 weeks for it to make a difference. YIKES! There's no way I could afford that! AND she went on to tell me that basically, the only type of cleanser or make up that I should ever dare to put on my face is the product she sells, and a select few other salon brands. (of course these are WAY more expensive than what I normally buy). When she told me I would have to come back for facial #2, I started feeling a little uneasy about the whole thing, but at this point I thought to myself, "I do not trust this lady and there's no way I'm coming back." (It was so painful, having her extract black heads...ouch!)
I finally was able to get insurance, and the minute I did, I called a dermatologist. Of course, I have to have a referral from another dr to see a specialist, so now I am going to a family dr next week to (hopefully) have her look at my face and say, yes, this girl needs some help. I really hope and pray that I can finally get my face cleared up! This problem has weighed on me so much over the last several months and I'm ready to feel better about myself again.
This post is only kind of related to being a mommy. 2 significant physical changes (well, many more than that, but I'm only writing about 2) happened during my pregnancy. 1) My hair was so healthy!! I don't think I lost a single strand. 2) I started to break out with pimples more than I ever had. I had read that that was quite common in pregnancy, and they weren't huge or bright red or anything, so I patiently endured. Well, I had my baby and immediately got my pre-pregnancy hair back, but my complexion didn't change. Over the next few months it got worse and worse until it was out of control. When I was in Logan for Thanksgiving, I almost didn't say hello to an old friend I saw because I didn't want her to see me and my face. I started avoiding mirrors and cameras, and that's when I knew that something had to be done. I wanted to see a dermatologist, but it is so hard on a college student budget to think of spending anything that isn't totally and utterly necessary, and for a long time I wasn't on insurance. I had to tell myself that the acne all over my face did not change anything about my worth as a person, and that I was still me despite my less-than-perfect looks. Curt has been so good throughout this whole trial; he tells me all the time that I'm beautiful and that he loves my smile.
Anyway, I went to an esthetician to get a facial, thinking that she would cleanse my pores and give me a product that would actually work on my face. Well, to make a long story short, on my 2nd facial she pretty much told me that I would have to get regular facials every 2 to 4 weeks for it to make a difference. YIKES! There's no way I could afford that! AND she went on to tell me that basically, the only type of cleanser or make up that I should ever dare to put on my face is the product she sells, and a select few other salon brands. (of course these are WAY more expensive than what I normally buy). When she told me I would have to come back for facial #2, I started feeling a little uneasy about the whole thing, but at this point I thought to myself, "I do not trust this lady and there's no way I'm coming back." (It was so painful, having her extract black heads...ouch!)
I finally was able to get insurance, and the minute I did, I called a dermatologist. Of course, I have to have a referral from another dr to see a specialist, so now I am going to a family dr next week to (hopefully) have her look at my face and say, yes, this girl needs some help. I really hope and pray that I can finally get my face cleared up! This problem has weighed on me so much over the last several months and I'm ready to feel better about myself again.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
All About My Baby Girl
I wanted to write down some things about Kambria:
She LOVES loves LOVES being outside. If we don't go outside and do something, every day, she gets really antsy. Any time she is cranky, going outside will always settle her down.
She hates hates hates getting her face wiped! She tries to wiggle her way out of it, and screams when I successfully wipe off the milk/baby food/spit up from her cute face.
She never sits still. EVER.
Kambria is the most intense baby I've ever met. When she is happy, she is extremely happy and her whole face lights up. When she is mad, she is extremely mad. Watch out.
She loves it when I turn on music and dance with her.
Kambria loves to be a part of the action. She knows when there's a party going on and she better be invited!
She has her own sort of crawl and can get around fairly well now. Recently she started to be able to pull herself up to standing. (Where did my newborn go?!)
She has 2 teeth on the bottom and is getting her top ones too.
She doesn't like getting dressed or undressed. She earnestly tries to roll over and crawl away any time this torture time comes along.
She is so strong!
She loves squash (just like her dad).
She looks almost exactly like her mom.
She loves it when we put a blanket over her and say "Where's Kambi?" She swats her arms to get the blanket down (usually her legs are going just as fast as her arms are) to reveal her gigantic smile.
She loves to just watch us. I can put her in her rocker in the kitchen while I do the dishes or cook and she will be thoroughly entertained.
When I'm getting her ready for a nap (laying out the blanket, giving her the wubby) she laughs. It's so cute.
She loves to splash in the bathtub! By the time we are done, the floor is wet, the mirror has water clear to the top of it, and Curt and I are soaked :)
She is a tummy sleeper and has been since she learned how to roll over. Occasionally I'll find her with her knees tucked up under her belly and her bum in the air. Love it!
She has a kind of silent laugh. She grins from ear to ear, with the smile reaching her eyes, but doesn't make any noise except for an occasional squeal.
She can kick her legs like nobody's business. (And she does it, ALL THE TIME!)
She does NOT like to cuddle! There are only 2 exceptions: (1) when we are around people she's not very familiar with, if they try to talk to her or hold her she'll bury her head in my shoulder, and (2) when she's tired, but not overly tired, she will let me cradle her and rock her before I put her to bed. (if she's overly tired she will try to wiggle out of my arms).
Changing her diaper can be a real challenge. She stiffens her legs so that you can't get in and wipe her down. This is, of course, when she actually stays on her back for you and is not rolling over.
Kambria is a MIRACLE and she makes me so so happy. I am truly blessed to have her in my life. Every day I am grateful that I carried her full-term, with no complications, and that she is healthy. I wouldn't change being a mom for anything in the entire world!!
She LOVES loves LOVES being outside. If we don't go outside and do something, every day, she gets really antsy. Any time she is cranky, going outside will always settle her down.
She hates hates hates getting her face wiped! She tries to wiggle her way out of it, and screams when I successfully wipe off the milk/baby food/spit up from her cute face.
She never sits still. EVER.
Kambria is the most intense baby I've ever met. When she is happy, she is extremely happy and her whole face lights up. When she is mad, she is extremely mad. Watch out.
She loves it when I turn on music and dance with her.
Kambria loves to be a part of the action. She knows when there's a party going on and she better be invited!
She has her own sort of crawl and can get around fairly well now. Recently she started to be able to pull herself up to standing. (Where did my newborn go?!)
She has 2 teeth on the bottom and is getting her top ones too.
She doesn't like getting dressed or undressed. She earnestly tries to roll over and crawl away any time this torture time comes along.
She is so strong!
She loves squash (just like her dad).
She looks almost exactly like her mom.
She loves it when we put a blanket over her and say "Where's Kambi?" She swats her arms to get the blanket down (usually her legs are going just as fast as her arms are) to reveal her gigantic smile.
She loves to just watch us. I can put her in her rocker in the kitchen while I do the dishes or cook and she will be thoroughly entertained.
When I'm getting her ready for a nap (laying out the blanket, giving her the wubby) she laughs. It's so cute.
She loves to splash in the bathtub! By the time we are done, the floor is wet, the mirror has water clear to the top of it, and Curt and I are soaked :)
She is a tummy sleeper and has been since she learned how to roll over. Occasionally I'll find her with her knees tucked up under her belly and her bum in the air. Love it!
She has a kind of silent laugh. She grins from ear to ear, with the smile reaching her eyes, but doesn't make any noise except for an occasional squeal.
She can kick her legs like nobody's business. (And she does it, ALL THE TIME!)
She does NOT like to cuddle! There are only 2 exceptions: (1) when we are around people she's not very familiar with, if they try to talk to her or hold her she'll bury her head in my shoulder, and (2) when she's tired, but not overly tired, she will let me cradle her and rock her before I put her to bed. (if she's overly tired she will try to wiggle out of my arms).
Changing her diaper can be a real challenge. She stiffens her legs so that you can't get in and wipe her down. This is, of course, when she actually stays on her back for you and is not rolling over.
Kambria is a MIRACLE and she makes me so so happy. I am truly blessed to have her in my life. Every day I am grateful that I carried her full-term, with no complications, and that she is healthy. I wouldn't change being a mom for anything in the entire world!!
Friday, November 6, 2009
Life's Lessons
I did an assignment in high school once that was simply a list of 100 things I had learned. It was an eye-opening assignment, and gave me a chance to be insightful. Since this is kind of a journal to me, I wanted to start recording little things that I learn every day. Here are a few to start out.
I've learned that if I change Kambria's diaper right after she wakes up from a nap, she will pee all over the changing table as soon as I take her diaper off.
I've learned that if you pray for Heavenly Father to help you be a better person, He will give you more opportunities to be a better person. AKA challenges and trials.
I've learned that if I want something done the way I want it done, I have to do it.
I've learned that fresh air can do a world of good for a rough day.
I've learned that there will ALWAYS be dishes to be done, so just do them because I love having a clean kitchen.
I've learned that Kambria needs me to get down on the floor and play with her just as much as she needs me to feed her and take care of her physical needs.
I've learned that I have never been happier than I am now being a stay-at-home mom.
I've learned that if I change Kambria's diaper right after she wakes up from a nap, she will pee all over the changing table as soon as I take her diaper off.
I've learned that if you pray for Heavenly Father to help you be a better person, He will give you more opportunities to be a better person. AKA challenges and trials.
I've learned that if I want something done the way I want it done, I have to do it.
I've learned that fresh air can do a world of good for a rough day.
I've learned that there will ALWAYS be dishes to be done, so just do them because I love having a clean kitchen.
I've learned that Kambria needs me to get down on the floor and play with her just as much as she needs me to feed her and take care of her physical needs.
I've learned that I have never been happier than I am now being a stay-at-home mom.
Monday, October 26, 2009
My Little Best Buddy
I've been thinking about 2 experiences that I had right after Kambria was born and I wanted to record them, so here goes.
The first time I drove anywhere without Kambria was just a few days after she was born. I left her with my mom to fun a few errands. When I was pregnant with her I always talked to her on my commute to work. I used to tell her to not follow my bad example of calling other drivers idiots because that wasn't a very nice thing to do. So when I was all by myself in the car, I felt really sad that I didn't have my little baby girl to talk to.
During that week that my mom stayed with us to help out, she suggested that Curt and I go on a date. We had already eaten dinner so we decided to just go out for frozen yogurt. We went to Town Square (just 10 minutes away), got our yogurt, walked around for a few minutes and decided to head home. On the drive back I had this overwhelming feeling of missing my sweet baby girl. I couldn't hold back the tears as I thought of how precious she is to me. We hadn't been gone for very long, but after 9 months of having her spirit inside of me I felt lonely without her. When we got home she was sleeping on my mom's lap. I scooped her up and just held her and cried some more.
I know that this was the result of the Baby Blues, but I want her to always know how much she means to me and how much I absolutely love her. I try so hard to tell her every day that she is precious and loved and special to me!
The first time I drove anywhere without Kambria was just a few days after she was born. I left her with my mom to fun a few errands. When I was pregnant with her I always talked to her on my commute to work. I used to tell her to not follow my bad example of calling other drivers idiots because that wasn't a very nice thing to do. So when I was all by myself in the car, I felt really sad that I didn't have my little baby girl to talk to.
During that week that my mom stayed with us to help out, she suggested that Curt and I go on a date. We had already eaten dinner so we decided to just go out for frozen yogurt. We went to Town Square (just 10 minutes away), got our yogurt, walked around for a few minutes and decided to head home. On the drive back I had this overwhelming feeling of missing my sweet baby girl. I couldn't hold back the tears as I thought of how precious she is to me. We hadn't been gone for very long, but after 9 months of having her spirit inside of me I felt lonely without her. When we got home she was sleeping on my mom's lap. I scooped her up and just held her and cried some more.
I know that this was the result of the Baby Blues, but I want her to always know how much she means to me and how much I absolutely love her. I try so hard to tell her every day that she is precious and loved and special to me!
Monday, October 12, 2009
This Always Happens
Yesterday I bore my testimony in church for the first time in a long time. I think I was a little closer to the spirit because I was actually fasting, which I hadn't done in over a year. Anyway, every time I do, I always don't say everything that I want that is in my heart. So I wanted to write down on this blog that little piece of my heart.
Right around the time that Curt and I started dating my mom was on her daily walk when she suddenly couldn't breath, and basically collapsed. The friend she was with was able to get her to the hospital quickly, and it turned out she had 2 blood clots: one in each lung. Without going into too much detail, the next year was very difficult for our family, most especially for my mom. She suffered from post-traumatic-stress syndrome, which lead to anxiety/depression. I don't know all the details, but I believe that she had developed the clots from the birth control she was on. They tested her blood for any mutation that would have caused the clots. When it came time for my premarital exam, my mom requested that I be tested for the blood-clotting factors as well, as that would affect the type of birth control I would be on. The results came back and I do, in fact have the blood mutation that can cause clots. Thus, my doctor prescribed a birth control with no estrogen since an increase in that hormone ups the chances of developing a clot. Interestingly enough, my mom's tests came back negative for any mutation.
A little more than a year later, Curt and I decided it was time to start a family, and soon after, I became pregnant. Somewhere in all the stress of being new to a huge city, trying to find a doctor, and all the other emotions that come along with pregnancy, and because it had been a year since I found out about it, I neglected (forgot) to tell my OB about this certain blood mutation.
9 uneventful months later, my beautiful baby girl was born without a single complication.
So, while in the recovery room when my OB came to check on me, my mom mentioned this mutation that I honestly had not thought about in over a year. The Dr. glared at me and told me that if she had known, I would have been on a special medication. (Oops). She then referred me to a hemotologist who I went to see a few weeks later.
The hemotologist told me that I should consider myself very lucky. He went on to explain that having this certain blood mutation made my chances of miscarrying 7 to 8 times higher than what is normal. I feel kind of dumb for not knowing this, but when you're pregnant you have a whole lot more estrogen running through your body than when you're not. And for me, more estrogen equals higher risk of having a blood clot. If I would have developed a clot in my placenta, my dear sweet baby would not have lived.
When he told me this, I was shocked. I thought back to the day that I found out I was pregnant and the prayer that I offered to my Heavenly Father thanking him for giving me the chance to be a mom. I remembered the 2 priesthood blessings that Curt had given me: one soon after we found out the news and one the day we went into the hospital. I remembered a special moment I had in my first trimester after reading a friend's blog about cherishing every moment with your child. Up to that point in my pregnancy I'm kind of ashamed to say that I was not excited to be pregnant. The sickness was miserable, I was so worried about how we were going to afford a child, and I was honestly scared to death about giving birth. But after I read her sweet story of taking time to enjoy the important little things, the Spirit whispered to my heart that this child was meant to come to my family at this time. I felt peace, knowing that I, and this child, was in Heavenly Father's hands and that this was the right thing for me to be doing.
This strengthened my testimony that Kambria is supposed to be here, in my family, at this time. I am so truly blessed. I'm so so so grateful for my sweet daughter and that she is healthy. I am humbled to know that my life is in my Heavenly Father's hands and it is also on His timetable, not mine. I know that my role and calling in life is to be a mother and I feel so honored that He trusts me with His sweet little spirit. I KNOW He answers prayers! I KNOW that He is aware of me and He loves me and He loves my baby girl so much more perfectly than I ever will. I cannot say enough how grateful and blessed I feel that He protected me and Kambria through the pregnancy and that I didn't have any blood clots, despite the fact that I had forgotten about my condition and that statistics and the Dr. say I am lucky. I know it wasn't luck, it was a blessing. It was so so hard to watch my mom suffer all that she did, but I will always be grateful to her; I may have never known about my blood mutation and maybe someday down the road, knowing about it may save a life.
Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live! I know they do. This is my testimony, and I write it in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.
Right around the time that Curt and I started dating my mom was on her daily walk when she suddenly couldn't breath, and basically collapsed. The friend she was with was able to get her to the hospital quickly, and it turned out she had 2 blood clots: one in each lung. Without going into too much detail, the next year was very difficult for our family, most especially for my mom. She suffered from post-traumatic-stress syndrome, which lead to anxiety/depression. I don't know all the details, but I believe that she had developed the clots from the birth control she was on. They tested her blood for any mutation that would have caused the clots. When it came time for my premarital exam, my mom requested that I be tested for the blood-clotting factors as well, as that would affect the type of birth control I would be on. The results came back and I do, in fact have the blood mutation that can cause clots. Thus, my doctor prescribed a birth control with no estrogen since an increase in that hormone ups the chances of developing a clot. Interestingly enough, my mom's tests came back negative for any mutation.
A little more than a year later, Curt and I decided it was time to start a family, and soon after, I became pregnant. Somewhere in all the stress of being new to a huge city, trying to find a doctor, and all the other emotions that come along with pregnancy, and because it had been a year since I found out about it, I neglected (forgot) to tell my OB about this certain blood mutation.
9 uneventful months later, my beautiful baby girl was born without a single complication.
So, while in the recovery room when my OB came to check on me, my mom mentioned this mutation that I honestly had not thought about in over a year. The Dr. glared at me and told me that if she had known, I would have been on a special medication. (Oops). She then referred me to a hemotologist who I went to see a few weeks later.
The hemotologist told me that I should consider myself very lucky. He went on to explain that having this certain blood mutation made my chances of miscarrying 7 to 8 times higher than what is normal. I feel kind of dumb for not knowing this, but when you're pregnant you have a whole lot more estrogen running through your body than when you're not. And for me, more estrogen equals higher risk of having a blood clot. If I would have developed a clot in my placenta, my dear sweet baby would not have lived.
When he told me this, I was shocked. I thought back to the day that I found out I was pregnant and the prayer that I offered to my Heavenly Father thanking him for giving me the chance to be a mom. I remembered the 2 priesthood blessings that Curt had given me: one soon after we found out the news and one the day we went into the hospital. I remembered a special moment I had in my first trimester after reading a friend's blog about cherishing every moment with your child. Up to that point in my pregnancy I'm kind of ashamed to say that I was not excited to be pregnant. The sickness was miserable, I was so worried about how we were going to afford a child, and I was honestly scared to death about giving birth. But after I read her sweet story of taking time to enjoy the important little things, the Spirit whispered to my heart that this child was meant to come to my family at this time. I felt peace, knowing that I, and this child, was in Heavenly Father's hands and that this was the right thing for me to be doing.
This strengthened my testimony that Kambria is supposed to be here, in my family, at this time. I am so truly blessed. I'm so so so grateful for my sweet daughter and that she is healthy. I am humbled to know that my life is in my Heavenly Father's hands and it is also on His timetable, not mine. I know that my role and calling in life is to be a mother and I feel so honored that He trusts me with His sweet little spirit. I KNOW He answers prayers! I KNOW that He is aware of me and He loves me and He loves my baby girl so much more perfectly than I ever will. I cannot say enough how grateful and blessed I feel that He protected me and Kambria through the pregnancy and that I didn't have any blood clots, despite the fact that I had forgotten about my condition and that statistics and the Dr. say I am lucky. I know it wasn't luck, it was a blessing. It was so so hard to watch my mom suffer all that she did, but I will always be grateful to her; I may have never known about my blood mutation and maybe someday down the road, knowing about it may save a life.
Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live! I know they do. This is my testimony, and I write it in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Thank you Dr. Weissbluth!!
Ok, so Curt and I were about at our wits end with not getting a good nights rest. We really felt like she was ready to be trained to sleep through the night. She's almost 6 monhs old! You know those emails I talked about a few posts ago? The ones from babycenter that give parents all kinds of tips? Well, we found one that actually worked! A few weeks ago we stopped feeding Kambria when she would wake up in the night. We wanted her body to get used to not eating for 10 or so hours because until that happened, we knew she would want to eat in the middle of the night. So for a while we would go in and put the binky in, pick her up and rock her, yadda yadda until she fell back asleep.
Then we read about Dr. Weissbluth's method of helping your child sleep through the night. It was basically a "cry it out" method, but a little nicer. He suggested that when the baby starts crying, you wait a couple minutes, then go in and pat your baby, reassure them, but don't pick them up! Spend just a minute or so with them and then leave, even if they are still crying. Then you wait 5 minutes and do the same thing. After that, you go in every 10 minutes until they are sleeping again. He said at the most it would take a week.
The first couple of nights, I would give her the binky and it settled her down really well. I didn't know if she was ready to go cold turkey without the pacifier. But then I realized, HELLO! If I keep giving her the binky, then she will keep needing it! So then we committed 100% to the new method. And you know what? It only took ONE NIGHT! She woke up at 4 and cried until 5. It was hard and frustrating, but since that night we have not had to go in and reassure her! A couple of times, she has fussed, but only for a minute and then has been able to soothe herself.
HALELUJAH!
She now sleeps for 10 or 11 hours consecutively and it is wonderful! I only hope that she keeps it up, and that it wasn't a fluke. Now if only I could train MY body to sleep through the night again :) I'm so used to waking up in the night (it's been over 6 months since I have slept through the night: the last month of my pregnancy I would wake up every time I needed to roll over), that I've been waking up even without her crying. But I am hopeful that it won't take too long.
HOORAY! I'm so happy that my baby has learned how to sleep though the night. I say, it's about time!!
Then we read about Dr. Weissbluth's method of helping your child sleep through the night. It was basically a "cry it out" method, but a little nicer. He suggested that when the baby starts crying, you wait a couple minutes, then go in and pat your baby, reassure them, but don't pick them up! Spend just a minute or so with them and then leave, even if they are still crying. Then you wait 5 minutes and do the same thing. After that, you go in every 10 minutes until they are sleeping again. He said at the most it would take a week.
The first couple of nights, I would give her the binky and it settled her down really well. I didn't know if she was ready to go cold turkey without the pacifier. But then I realized, HELLO! If I keep giving her the binky, then she will keep needing it! So then we committed 100% to the new method. And you know what? It only took ONE NIGHT! She woke up at 4 and cried until 5. It was hard and frustrating, but since that night we have not had to go in and reassure her! A couple of times, she has fussed, but only for a minute and then has been able to soothe herself.
HALELUJAH!
She now sleeps for 10 or 11 hours consecutively and it is wonderful! I only hope that she keeps it up, and that it wasn't a fluke. Now if only I could train MY body to sleep through the night again :) I'm so used to waking up in the night (it's been over 6 months since I have slept through the night: the last month of my pregnancy I would wake up every time I needed to roll over), that I've been waking up even without her crying. But I am hopeful that it won't take too long.
HOORAY! I'm so happy that my baby has learned how to sleep though the night. I say, it's about time!!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Done Nursing
From the time Kambi started getting good at nursing (around 3 weeks) to the time that it started going downhill (around 3 months) it was wonderful. I really liked it! But then it just became a pain. She wasn't getting enough so she was cranky, and hungry more often. And she had to work so hard to get anything, which wasn't pleasant for me. That's when we started supplementing with formula. For a few weeks I would nurse her, then give her a bottle to finish her off. That worked really well, but she soon discovered that it was much easier to get food from the bottle. So while I nursed her she would turn her head and look for the bottle (I always had it on the table mate next to the couch). I was so determined to nurse her as long as I possibly could for 2 main reasons: A) I know it's better for her, and B) Breastmilk doesn't cost anything. So I continued to put up with how big of a pain it was. I even pumped so that she could still have my milk, but I wouldn't have to nurse her. Well, each time I pumped, I got less and less milk; usually around 2 ounces total. I really didn't like pumping, it always made me feel like a failure because my body wasn't producing what my baby needed. But I was really getting fed up with nursing.
And thus, I decided to stop completely.
And it's great! I don't feel tied down so that I have to take her everwhere I go. I can leave for more than 3 hours for things like, R.S. activities, shopping, Curt can take her during church so I can play the piano for primary, dates, etc. AND, I fit back into my pre-pregnancy garments and bras! No more toting around a nursing cover and looking for a private place to feed my baby while I'm in public. :)
I for sure want to nurse baby #2 and all subsequent babies. Hopefully my body will cooperate. But for now, I will enjoy all that comes from not nursing.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
This Just Made Me Smile
Yesterday I was at Wal-Mart handing over my arm and my leg that it costs for diapers and other such baby supplies when I had a sweet experience. Let me share.
While looking at diapers, a nice man that I was sharing the aisle with turned to me and asked me if he could ask me a question. This is how our convo went down:
Him: How old is your baby?
Me: Five months (smile :))
Him: My wife and I just had twins. Our son had to be in the NICU for a while, but he is now home with us and our daughter. He cries a lot because he was so used to his schedule in the hospital. Then our daughter sees the attention we give him and she has started crying more and louder too now. So, when do they start sleeping through the night?
Me: (noticing that this poor man looked SO exhausted, pointing to Kambi and shaking my head) Still not sleeping through the night. (Watching his face turn despondent at my response, and totally sympathizing with him). I know, it's so hard because it's so tiring! I can't imagine having two at once!
Him: Is there anything we can do to help them sleep longer?
Me: How old are they?
Him: They'll be a month on Sunday.
Me: Ya know, I think every parent wants to know the secret. (In my heart I was saying, "One month? Oh honey, don't kid yourself. You're not getting ANY sleep for at least the next few months!")
I gave him some hints that I've been given (none of which have worked for me yet). He also asked me when you can start playing with babies. I just thought it was so cute to see this brand new dad wondering about the sweet little people that just entered his life. It was fun to talk to another parent; I felt a certain camaraderie with this perfect stranger. Bless. his. heart.
While looking at diapers, a nice man that I was sharing the aisle with turned to me and asked me if he could ask me a question. This is how our convo went down:
Him: How old is your baby?
Me: Five months (smile :))
Him: My wife and I just had twins. Our son had to be in the NICU for a while, but he is now home with us and our daughter. He cries a lot because he was so used to his schedule in the hospital. Then our daughter sees the attention we give him and she has started crying more and louder too now. So, when do they start sleeping through the night?
Me: (noticing that this poor man looked SO exhausted, pointing to Kambi and shaking my head) Still not sleeping through the night. (Watching his face turn despondent at my response, and totally sympathizing with him). I know, it's so hard because it's so tiring! I can't imagine having two at once!
Him: Is there anything we can do to help them sleep longer?
Me: How old are they?
Him: They'll be a month on Sunday.
Me: Ya know, I think every parent wants to know the secret. (In my heart I was saying, "One month? Oh honey, don't kid yourself. You're not getting ANY sleep for at least the next few months!")
I gave him some hints that I've been given (none of which have worked for me yet). He also asked me when you can start playing with babies. I just thought it was so cute to see this brand new dad wondering about the sweet little people that just entered his life. It was fun to talk to another parent; I felt a certain camaraderie with this perfect stranger. Bless. his. heart.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Perplexed
I totally love my job as a mom, but some days I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing! Poor little Kambi has to be our guinea pig because kids don't come with instructions and frankly, it's hard to know how best to care for them!
I'm having a struggle and it is this: schedule or play it by ear? I'm seriously trying to figure out what style of parent I am because I know that one is not better, per se, than the other. I admit, I read A LOT of literature about parenting, I do ok, so sue me. I studied that kind of stuff in college. I am fascinated by human nature and family dynamics. And now I'm learning first hand that what is outlined in books and articles is not always how real life is. I've always known that deep down, but I am surprised sometimes at how completely different the two are.
Let me explain. Before Kambria was born, a friend gave me a book, written by a pediatrician, that outlines how to put your newborn on a schedule and by doing so, ensuing that your child will sleep through the night by 9 weeks old. Sounds great, right?! I read it skeptically, taking in the info with a grain of salt. But once I had that knowledge in my head, I somehow could not let go of it! So I tried earnestly to follow the principles and do the schedule thing. It didn't work. She's never been a good sleeper and most days flat out refused to nap when I wanted her to, or for how long I wanted her to. Thus, the schedule was different every day. Not to mention the fact that we traveled around and lived in a totally new place for 6 weeks. The point is, it was impossible to keep her on a schedule of eating/napping at the same time every day.
After we got settled back in Vegas I hoped and prayed that she would start sleeping through the night. By this time she was over 4 months old. The weeks passed and still, the schedule I wanted was just not working and I was still getting up at least once a night, if not twice. So what did I do? Well, first I went online and wrote a review on that darn book that gave me false hope. That felt good. Then I decided that trying to keep her on a schedule and failing miserably was simply stressing me out too much. I was frustrated and unhappy. So I threw the idea of a set schedule out the window. I started just paying attention to cues from my baby, while still having somewhat of a bedtime each night. Well, I definitely became more relaxed, but guess what. STILL not sleeping through the night.
Just today I was reading another email from a baby website that talked about helping your baby sleep through the night and it too stressed the fact that if you put them down for a nap at the same time every day then they will know what to expect. Consistency is the key, but how can I be consistent when she's so inconsistent?! She never sleeps the same amount, either at night or during the day. What's a new mom to do? Having a schedule didn't work, but not having one isn't working either. I just want to sleep uninterrupted at night, is that too much to ask?
BAH! This was a ranting and raving post. I feel better with that out of my system.
I'm having a struggle and it is this: schedule or play it by ear? I'm seriously trying to figure out what style of parent I am because I know that one is not better, per se, than the other. I admit, I read A LOT of literature about parenting, I do ok, so sue me. I studied that kind of stuff in college. I am fascinated by human nature and family dynamics. And now I'm learning first hand that what is outlined in books and articles is not always how real life is. I've always known that deep down, but I am surprised sometimes at how completely different the two are.
Let me explain. Before Kambria was born, a friend gave me a book, written by a pediatrician, that outlines how to put your newborn on a schedule and by doing so, ensuing that your child will sleep through the night by 9 weeks old. Sounds great, right?! I read it skeptically, taking in the info with a grain of salt. But once I had that knowledge in my head, I somehow could not let go of it! So I tried earnestly to follow the principles and do the schedule thing. It didn't work. She's never been a good sleeper and most days flat out refused to nap when I wanted her to, or for how long I wanted her to. Thus, the schedule was different every day. Not to mention the fact that we traveled around and lived in a totally new place for 6 weeks. The point is, it was impossible to keep her on a schedule of eating/napping at the same time every day.
After we got settled back in Vegas I hoped and prayed that she would start sleeping through the night. By this time she was over 4 months old. The weeks passed and still, the schedule I wanted was just not working and I was still getting up at least once a night, if not twice. So what did I do? Well, first I went online and wrote a review on that darn book that gave me false hope. That felt good. Then I decided that trying to keep her on a schedule and failing miserably was simply stressing me out too much. I was frustrated and unhappy. So I threw the idea of a set schedule out the window. I started just paying attention to cues from my baby, while still having somewhat of a bedtime each night. Well, I definitely became more relaxed, but guess what. STILL not sleeping through the night.
Just today I was reading another email from a baby website that talked about helping your baby sleep through the night and it too stressed the fact that if you put them down for a nap at the same time every day then they will know what to expect. Consistency is the key, but how can I be consistent when she's so inconsistent?! She never sleeps the same amount, either at night or during the day. What's a new mom to do? Having a schedule didn't work, but not having one isn't working either. I just want to sleep uninterrupted at night, is that too much to ask?
BAH! This was a ranting and raving post. I feel better with that out of my system.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
If Babies Could Talk...
I'm feeling a little like a bad mom. Nursing took a turn down the "pain in the neck" road about a month ago. Every time I fed Kambi she would squirm and wiggle around, coming unlatched then getting back on again. Then she would be really fussy after we were done. Curt asked his pediatrician uncle about it, and he told us there are so many reasons for babies to be fussy after eating, it could be anything from over-eating to gas etc. So I tried not to worry too much, especially since there was so much going on for us at the time. When we got home from Disneyland it got pretty bad. She wasn't sleeping very well either and I was getting super frustrated. I tried so hard to not be upset, it's not like she was disobeying me or being difficult on purpose. But I found myself losing patience a lot. We were in between doctors because we had had some issues with the first clinic, and hadn't been able to get in to see the new dr yet. I suspected that something was wrong with my milk supply; we started trying to give her formula but she would have none of it. She also wasn't pooping very often. I thought she was constipated so I started giving her apple juice with a medicine dropper because she wouldn't take a bottle. That helped a little, but still she was pretty difficult. I was nervous about pumping because I had tried that about a month previous to all of this and she refused to eat from a bottle.
Finally I got her to take a bottle by giving her the apple juice from the bottle. Then we finally got her to eat some formula. So now that she was eating from a bottle, I pumped again. I discovered that my body is not making very much milk at all! Over the next few days I only got 2 to 5 ounces each time. My poor baby was just hungry! No wonder she was waking up every 3 hours at night! No wonder her naps weren't very long! No wonder she was working so hard to get something out of me when she nursed! She was starving!
It's been almost a week since we started supplementing her diet and it has made a HUGE difference! More is coming out of her because more is going into her :) She has been sleeping much better (although still not quite all through the night) and has just been so much happier overall. She even looks and feels chunkier! I really feel terrible for not figuring out sooner that for some unknown reason I'm not producing the food that my baby needs, but I feel worse for getting angry. This would be so much easier if she could just talk! Ha ha, I know it's not meant to be easy. I am learning so much from this little girl. She means the world to me and I'm so happy that this mystery was finally solved.
Finally I got her to take a bottle by giving her the apple juice from the bottle. Then we finally got her to eat some formula. So now that she was eating from a bottle, I pumped again. I discovered that my body is not making very much milk at all! Over the next few days I only got 2 to 5 ounces each time. My poor baby was just hungry! No wonder she was waking up every 3 hours at night! No wonder her naps weren't very long! No wonder she was working so hard to get something out of me when she nursed! She was starving!
It's been almost a week since we started supplementing her diet and it has made a HUGE difference! More is coming out of her because more is going into her :) She has been sleeping much better (although still not quite all through the night) and has just been so much happier overall. She even looks and feels chunkier! I really feel terrible for not figuring out sooner that for some unknown reason I'm not producing the food that my baby needs, but I feel worse for getting angry. This would be so much easier if she could just talk! Ha ha, I know it's not meant to be easy. I am learning so much from this little girl. She means the world to me and I'm so happy that this mystery was finally solved.
Friday, August 28, 2009
The Past 4 Months Have Flown!
Since I'm not pregnant anymore and didn't want to post on my pregnancy blog, I started a new blog! This is where I plan on writing some of my thoughts and experiences as a new mom. It has always been my dream to be a mom and I am so so so grateful that I was blessed with this opportunity. It can be very challenging, and I have my share of bad days, but I always remind myself that this is what I signed up for and that this is what Heavenly Father has planned for me.
Kambria is 4 months old and is learning and growing every day. It has been so fun to watch her change and her personality develop. Here are a few things about her:
She is super active
She has perfected the skill of rolling from her back to her belly
She loves toys that make noise, whether it's music, a rattle, or especially crinkly noises
She babbles a lot
She loves to grasp things
She has a little blanket (the wubbie) that comforts her when she's fussy
Well, I can't go back and write every little thing about her first 4 months of life, but I hope to document things here that are too precious to forget. I'll end this post by saying that she has a clear sense of who her daddy and mommy are, and she gets kinda clingy around strangers. But let me just say that her face lights up when she sees one of us. There's nothing like that in the whole world!
Kambria is 4 months old and is learning and growing every day. It has been so fun to watch her change and her personality develop. Here are a few things about her:
She is super active
She has perfected the skill of rolling from her back to her belly
She loves toys that make noise, whether it's music, a rattle, or especially crinkly noises
She babbles a lot
She loves to grasp things
She has a little blanket (the wubbie) that comforts her when she's fussy
Well, I can't go back and write every little thing about her first 4 months of life, but I hope to document things here that are too precious to forget. I'll end this post by saying that she has a clear sense of who her daddy and mommy are, and she gets kinda clingy around strangers. But let me just say that her face lights up when she sees one of us. There's nothing like that in the whole world!
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